What am I looking for?

My twins, Mia and Edward, are my pride and joy.

One of the wonderful things about being a parent, I believe, is the ability to connect with your own youth and free spirit. Right now M&E are running around playing hide and seek with one another. Mia’s scrunched up face is like looking at my own self in my own baby photo album. Edward’s little body is so full of energy and as he sprints around the room I am fascinated that he hasn’t collapsed on the ground with his little chest heaving up and down needing a rest (like I would). In them I see something I long for – the ability to be free.

I want to be able to run around the house non-stop free of worry, free of getting too tired, free of my feet aching. That is my true nirvana.

Take that up a notch and I want to be able to confidently get into a bathing suit to teach them how to swim or to splash free of feeling like everyone is staring at me.

Enter in internal bashing. “I can’t do this because I’m feeling fat” or “I can’t do that because people will stare”. When it comes down to it, I suffer from what most women suffer from – lack of confidence. I need to do better. I need to live in the moment and that is what I will search for during this journey.